


backwards

by witching



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pedantry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 10:53:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17385131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witching/pseuds/witching
Summary: acting like a human is ridiculously difficult, and crowley gets all his information about social norms from books, and he's noticed a strange pattern in how he and aziraphale interact.





	backwards

**Author's Note:**

  * For [regencysnuffboxes (malicegeres)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/malicegeres/gifts).



> the prompt was "palm kisses"  
> i have very little to say about this except that it is a thing which i wrote

“Hey, Angel.” Crowley threw the words out casually, a comfortable departure from an equally comfortable silence. “Can I ask you something?”

Aziraphale didn’t look up from his book. “Yes; what is it?”

“Are we dating?”

That made Aziraphale properly drop his book on the floor, which he would have considered high treason if he hadn’t been choking on his own breath at the moment. He made a show of scooting a foot away from Crowley and pushed his glasses up his nose indignantly. “ _ Excuse _ me?” 

“I've thought about it extensively -”

“You have?” 

“- and I think we might be dating.”

Aziraphale blinked hard several times. He took a deep breath, turning to fully face Crowley, who was still sprawled on the sofa, as calm as ever. “Crowley, with all due respect, what on  _ earth _ are you talking about?”

“Well, that's just it!” Crowley spoke as if explaining a major scientific breakthrough. “We  _ are _ on earth, and sometimes we have to play by their rules. When in Rome, and all, right?”

Aziraphale scoffed and rolled his eyes. “When you were in Rome, you slept with the emperor,” he deadpanned.

“Did I?”

“Several emperors.”

“I don't recall,” Crowley said flippantly. “Anyway, my point is, humans have customs, right, and certain behaviors signal certain conditions. An unbiased analysis of our relationship would seem to suggest a romantic tenor.”

“Ah, I see,” the angel said sagely, giving a slow nod. “We're being completely nonsensical today.”

If Aziraphale were to be honest, which he rarely was when it came to his relationship with Crowley, he would have to admit that there had been times when he thought his feelings for the demon went beyond friendship. For him, though, it was one of those things one simply didn’t bring up, something to be shut behind a door in his mind. Even if the occasional thought crept in, he never seriously entertained the idea, always locked it up before he could begin to hope. But now… now Crowley had blasted that door open, in typical Crowley fashion.

Crowley, who remained unfazed, as if this were an everyday conversation. “You can mock, angel, but all the symptoms are there.”

“Symptoms?” Aziraphale raised his eyebrows.

“How often do we go out together?”

“Well, a lot, but -”

“How often do we stay in together?” Crowley pressed on.

Aziraphale furrowed his brow. “That's what friends do.”

“Not  _ every day _ ,” Crowley said, exasperated. “And what about the hand holding?”

“You get cold,” Aziraphale said lamely. “And sometimes you wander off, if I let go of you.” He internally chided himself for dignifying this entire conversation, wishing he had shut it down before he had time to be persuaded --  _ tempted _ , he thought sardonically -- by Crowley’s argument.

The demon nodded, almost frantically. “Sure I do, but why do you care? Okay, a friend would care, maybe, but a friend would… I don’t know, buy a bloke a pair of heated gloves. Get a blessed mobile phone so we don’t lose each other in a crowd. The hand holding is something different, you know it is.”

“I’m not sure I know anything,” Aziraphale muttered.

“Listen, I'm not saying we  _ have  _ to be dating,” Crowley explained, as if talking to a child. “I'm just saying, on paper, it looks like that's where we're at.”

The angel shook his head in confusion. “Why is this coming up all of a sudden?”

“I've been reading a lot,” Crowley explained, “and it turns out every romantic relationship is exactly the same.”

Aziraphale shook his head, stifling a shocked laugh. “You're mad.”

“I'm simply being logical,” Crowley stated. “It's clear that something's there -”

“Crowley, stop talking.”

Crowley did not stop talking. “You can't deny the obvious signs -”

“My dear boy -”

“And don't even get me started on  _ that _ -”

“My dear boy,” Aziraphale repeated sternly, as he clapped a hand over the demon's mouth. “Please shut up.”

Crowley furrowed his brow briefly and cast his eyes down toward the angel's hand, surprised by this development. Aziraphale's skin was warm and soft on his; it always was, but the sensitivity of his cool lips intensified the sensation. He made no move to resist. Instead, he puckered his lips, firmly kissing the center of Aziraphale's palm where it was pressed against his mouth. The angel withdrew his hand immediately, examining his palm as if searching for a wound. 

“What was that?” Aziraphale asked, bewildered.

Crowley shrugged and replied in a matter-of-fact tone. “A kiss.”

“I  _ know  _ that,” the angel hissed, “but  _ why _ ?”

“It felt like the right thing to do.” Crowley flashed a grin and raised his eyebrows. “I mean, I didn’t lick you, so you’re welcome for that.” 

There was a long pause while Aziraphale struggled to absorb the whole situation. He opened and closed his mouth several times, wrinkled his brow so hard he gave himself a headache, and chewed on his lip aggressively. Eventually, Crowley piped up again, if only to fill the silence, which was now decidedly uncomfortable.

“Kissing,” he said calmly, “that’s a thing that dating people do.”

Aziraphale heaved a sigh, gathering his wits properly for the first time since this conversation had started. He put on the tone that Crowley liked to call his “textbook voice” ( _ Because _ , the demon explained,  _ you use it for schooling people _ , and Aziraphale had not asked him to elaborate). “The fact that people who are dating tend to kiss does not mean that dating is a prerequisite for kissing.”

“That’s true,” Crowley conceded. He had plenty of experience debating Aziraphale on pedantic philosophical points, though, and he was not ready to give up completely. “But if one -- or two, I suppose -- can perform all the behaviors associated with a romantic relationship while not actually being in one, doesn’t that undermine the value of romance as a whole?”

“Something must be said for inner conscience, my dear.” Aziraphale pursed his lips and swallowed hard before continuing. “That is, the actions can exist without true belief, or -- or feeling, and the feeling is more important to the existence of the relationship.”

“So you’re saying,” Crowley spoke cautiously, “if someone were to do all the things that people do when they’re in a relationship, it wouldn’t count unless they actually had feelings for each other?”

“Er. Yes.”

Crowley averted his gaze and cleared his throat softly. “And what if… they do? Two people, that is, who are both exhibiting the behaviors and… and feeling the feelings. Does that signify a relationship?”

“Well, no, not entirely.” Aziraphale folded his hands in his lap primly and fixed an intense stare on the floor. “In theory, maybe, but in practice, there’s -- I believe an agreement must be reached between the parties, to confirm the -- the relationship.”

“Then the distinction,” Crowley said, his words slow and calculated, “is only in whether you've had the conversation and established the fact?”

“I suppose so,” Aziraphale replied flatly.

Crowley looked up at him now, eyes wide. “Is this that conversation?”

“Erm. This is not how I would imagine that conversation is meant to go.” Aziraphale furrowed his brow and exhaled with a huff. He had briefly forgotten that this was not a debate on some distant topic that didn’t affect him, as many of his conversations with Crowley were. This was real, and that was scary.

“No, you’re right,” Crowley agreed, nodding his head. “In the books, it usually goes something like  _ I love you - I love you too, _ and then after that is when they start doing the relationship things. We’ve done it all backwards.”

Aziraphale hesitated, choosing his words carefully, before speaking. “When you say  _ backwards _ , do you mean you intend to… eventually… cover the ground that we seem to have missed?”

“You mean do I want to have that conversation, even if it’s backwards?”

“Yes.”

Crowley flashed a quick smile, breathed a soft laugh. Aziraphale’s chest constricted as he considered several things at once: that smile, that laugh, the past, the future, the unknown, the known. He saw the demon’s smile widen into a grin, his expression shifting from fondness to mostly fond with a dose of mirth. 

Crowley moved closer, mirroring Aziraphale’s posture so they were facing each other, their knees touching ever so lightly. “I love you too,” he murmured.

_ Oh _ , Aziraphale thought, as every tense and nervous muscle in his body relaxed. He reached out, keeping his gaze on Crowley’s face as he gently took the demon’s hand and lifted it, placing a tentative kiss on his open palm. Relishing Crowley’s look of mild surprise, he took his time in releasing his hand. 

“I love you,” he said finally, simply.

Crowley smiled again, softer, and breathed a sigh of relief. They both paused for a moment, processing, before Crowley spoke again. “So, angel,” he said casually, “ _ now _ are we dating?”


End file.
